I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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