At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
being pregnant is like rehab
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
