i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
