Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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