Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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