I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
