If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
