he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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