and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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