The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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