At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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