sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize