Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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