Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I want is dick and wine.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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