Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish you could order shots online.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
