eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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