he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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