How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
A+ Viking dick
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