I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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