every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
