Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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