It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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