I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Vodka?
Forever.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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