remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
