I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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