Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
