I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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