Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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