i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
