she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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