Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
