JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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