so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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