listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
