i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
