is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
