I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
