well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
