My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
