if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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