I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
