Duck Duck Cougar?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
