did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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