Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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