it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
