im having a threesome with these popsicles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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