kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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