His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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