I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize