they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
third nipple confirmed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize