i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
