did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
