Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize