Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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