no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
