Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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