one might say we're banned from that church
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
