Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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