He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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