Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
