we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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