he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I want a musical about memes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
