took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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