my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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