I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
