did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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